A thought occurred to me the other day when I was out shopping - I had just stammered and I didn't even notice I'd done so.
In the past I would have beaten myself up about it. I would have been nervous about going up to the sales assistant and asking for something, and I would have been self-conscious the whole time I was in the shop - but this time was different. I hadn't cared how I felt, or given myself a hard time or, and this is the most important part, noticed how the other person reacted when I stammered.
I realised something else, I haven't cared what others think for quite some time.
People who stammer often give their power away. They think in terms of damage limitation. They feel like they don't fit into society fully because they can't do what normal people do - speak fluently. Yet, how many people are normal? What is normality?
No one is normal if being normal means you fit into society in every possible way. We all have limitations. A person who stammers wears their limitation in a place everyone can see it - or hear it.
The next time you speak to someone bear in mind that they know that just like you, they aren't perfect. They've got their own stuff happening in their lives. Shift the emphasis onto them if you like. Think about not judging them because they aren't perfect and this will reflect back to you. Instead of hoping they won't judge you or mock you, think about them with kindness.
Take the TV presenter Jonathan Ross as an example, he's got two choices - put his head in the sand or embrace life. People notice his personality and warmth much more than they notice his lisp because he exudes indifference - I've got a lisp but it doesn't define me.
You are not your stammer!
In the past I would have beaten myself up about it. I would have been nervous about going up to the sales assistant and asking for something, and I would have been self-conscious the whole time I was in the shop - but this time was different. I hadn't cared how I felt, or given myself a hard time or, and this is the most important part, noticed how the other person reacted when I stammered.
I realised something else, I haven't cared what others think for quite some time.
People who stammer often give their power away. They think in terms of damage limitation. They feel like they don't fit into society fully because they can't do what normal people do - speak fluently. Yet, how many people are normal? What is normality?
No one is normal if being normal means you fit into society in every possible way. We all have limitations. A person who stammers wears their limitation in a place everyone can see it - or hear it.
The next time you speak to someone bear in mind that they know that just like you, they aren't perfect. They've got their own stuff happening in their lives. Shift the emphasis onto them if you like. Think about not judging them because they aren't perfect and this will reflect back to you. Instead of hoping they won't judge you or mock you, think about them with kindness.
Take the TV presenter Jonathan Ross as an example, he's got two choices - put his head in the sand or embrace life. People notice his personality and warmth much more than they notice his lisp because he exudes indifference - I've got a lisp but it doesn't define me.
You are not your stammer!
John Blosse is an AMT qualified Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT)
Master Practitioner and a Matrix Reimprinting and Emotrance (Emotional
Transformation) therapist. He is a recovering stammerer and an expert in
self-esteem and confidence issues.
John runs a successful practice in Brighton and Hove, UK and offers one to one sessions to clients from all over the world via Skype and over the phone.
For more information please visit http://www.stammerless.com
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John runs a successful practice in Brighton and Hove, UK and offers one to one sessions to clients from all over the world via Skype and over the phone.
For more information please visit http://www.stammerless.com
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